In embarking on this important reflection, I enlisted the help of google to work out how exactly I go about rating my accomplishments and failures so far…. (ok, if being honest I was trying to find some sort of short-cut method or atleast an easy matrix-type-thing that spits out a rating from 1-5 of how great or how pathetic I’ve been). Nope – not so easy…

1. According to some, it’s all about my relationship with God and how readily I have accepted him into my life and everything I do…FAIL

2. According to others, it all comes down to THE three must-have’s:

- Career…FAIL
- Marriage…FAIL
- Babies….FAIL
(and preferably in that order….FAIL)

3. I found one website who told me success is all about to what extent we have achieved our life goals that we’ve set ourselves….crap why didn’t they tell me that 30 years ago?….FAIL

Right, so apparently I’m a complete failure according to google…not exactly the inspiring revelation I was anticipating.

Ok, so maybe I have a long way to go – and being 30 years young that I am, luckily I got time on my side to get there…  besides, it’s a bit reminiscent of a ulogy isn’t it?

I guess it’s up to me to come up with a more realistic and revelation-inspiring way to score life’s accomplishments and failures:

1. Jimmy Choo handbag purchase (aka ‘Jimmy’) circa 2006…SUCCESS!
2. Just Cavalli turqouise and gold high heels circa 2008…SUCCESS!
3. Leather jacket purchase Shanghai circa 2007…SUCCESS!
4. Marc Jacobs 70′s bag circa 2008…SUCCESS!
5. Burberry handbag (aka ‘Barbara’) circa 2006…SUCCESS!
6. Yellow vintage 70′s shift dress circa 1995…SUCCESS!
7. 2 x pairs of patent Clarks high-heels (beige and black) for work trip…FAIL (what was I thinking)
8. That perm I got when I back-packed in Queensland 2001…FAIL
9. Every single Whistles dress I’ve ever bought (that would be a total of 5?)…SUCCESS!
10. Those bloody gumboots I exchanged 20 times and still don’t fit…FAIL FAIL and FAIL again

That’s better, looks like I’ve made quite a few accomplishments I’d say! Next 30 years – here I come!!!!

Oh – and talk about life goals? Well let’s just say a pair of Chloe sunglasses might be making an appearance on that list…

I won’t bore you with the long, three page list of things I simply MUST do this year, but instead I thought I would get started on one of those ‘to do’ items here: #27: ‘Write list of things to do before I die’….. so here goes – my

‘ Things to Do Before I Die List’

1. Own a yacht
2. Live in Italy
3. Live in Spain
4. Live in Greece
5. Live in South of France
6. Live in New York
7. Live in…ah you get the idea
8. Conquer fear of snakes and lizards
9. Win an Oscar
10. Be a guest on Oprah (if she’s still alive: otherwise replace with suitable other show host)
11. Write a book…maybe an autobiography??: ‘The Cally Chronicles’… ‘Cleaning and Eating’; ‘How to…(note to self: must learn ‘how to’ do something worthwhile)’
12. Be fluent in French (70%), Italian (0.02%), Spanish (0.01%) and Japanese (0.5%)
13. Own my own (profitable) business
14. Get rid of ‘Macleans ding’ on front tooth
15. Own an Aston Martin
16. Sell my own works of art
17. Own 2-3 holiday houses (in addition to the mansion-family home)
18. Hold a big party with loved ones (ok…let’s call it a wedding)
19. See a real live fairy
20. Swim with dolphins
21. Write and direct for Broadway
22. Have a baby lion cub as pet
23. Raise a happy family and be a role model for my children
24. Learn how to surf
25. Learn how to sing
26. Go to outer space
27. Save the world
28. Master playing the violin
29. Be an expert in….something
30. Meet my role model (note to self: must get role model)

NB: Must re-evaluate ‘Things To Do Before I Die List’ annually…maybe bi-annually

• Still working hard? CHECK
• Still dreaming of a changed life? CHECK
• Still unsure of how to change it? CHECK

VERDICT = Stuck

It’s been 2 years since I was in Australia, and aside from missing the beaches and sunshine and food…I miss my friends and family. I could really do with their help in pulling me out of this mud-pool I’ve found myself in! Still, it could be worse in so many ways so enough moaning and time to get it together!

(Countdown starting now….222 days until D-day…B-day30)

For lunch we ate very simple tomatoes, mozzarella and basil – with some pesto made in the region. But the taste cannot be simplified. Melanie – you ain’t seen Mozzarella until you’ve seen the big fat fresh ball we bought here, tied in a plain plastic bag and that literally rips and tears when you cut it…sooo full of taste I can’t understand it! And now, let’s talk about the caprino (goat’s cheese or chevre) which we have so far eaten in salads with Italian plums; with bruschetta and salami; and which I have vowed to each everyday until I leave Italy. It’s soft, it’s creamy, it beats hands-down any other goat’s cheese I have eaten in my life (désolé Sébastien, mais il faut que je dise la vérité, non ?!). Mum, it reminds me of when we used to eat goat’s milk and cheese products instead of cow’s dairy when we were young – and now I know why ;)

Today – a mixed day. We drove to Monterosso al mare and went to the beach and bought some products for tonight’s menu. Amazing because the beach was absolutely stunning and the water so clear that we could see the pink jellyfish and huge (yes Raphael, they were big to me!) fish swimming past us, even without a snorkeling mask. Disappointing because we realized (after much initial deliberation by the way) that we should have stayed in Monterosso instead of Levanto. Ah well, you live and learn. And learn we did – straight out to buy a snorkeling mask and flippers each and tomorrow we plan to spend the day at Monterosso snorkeling, eating, snorkeling, eating, sunbathing, snorkeling…. You get the picture.

Other things I love about being here? Somehow I remember the primary-school Italian I learnt and am thoroughly loving struggling my way through the language; watching men play petanque by the sea and women with their table and chairs set-up on the beach – sitting with their parasol and playing cards together as the sun goes down.

Stay tuned for the next Italian chapter!

P.S. Tonight’s menu: Zucchini flowers fried with olive oil, salt and garlic, followed by fresh Orecchiette pasta with local pesto (plain basil for Raphael – spicy for me), with fresh garlic bread; Followed by local tiramisu. Accompanied by local red and white wine (and limoncello for digestif of course).

NB: Francoise, Raphaël a appris comment cuisiner un clafouti grâce à Gregoire avec les prunes, qui était délicieux !

A highlight was snorkelling in the most amazing pebble beach at the pit of the infamous red mountains – and seeing an octopus !! That’s right Briony – you would have freaked out (as did I!!)

But before Agay – we did make a small detour in Aix en Provence…and isn’t that just the way things go ? As someone wise once said – ‘life happens when you’re trying to find it’ (or something like that) and although it was supposed to be a pit-stop for some jewelry I had hunted down – it ended up being a ‘coup-de-foudre’ or major crush I felt for the city. Whilst I wasn’t searching for it, the next place I want to live definitely found me…(I expect you all to visit too!)

The last stage of the French affair was, fittingly, at the wedding of Mad and Loic. For those who don’t know, they are a fellow Franco-Australian couple that we had a chance meeting with at the Australian Day meet-up group event in Paris almost immediately after I moved there. If you can imagine the best of both worlds: French cuisine with a laid-back and fun ambience – that’s the wedding they produced. Mad, P.S. tu étais vraiment radieuse comme mariée et j’étais tellement touchée par l’amour entre toi et Loic qui était évident à chaque instant. En plus, j’étais fière de vous connaitre et de compter parmi vos amis proches.

So – yes, France : je t’adore. You have the best of everything and you have changed my life and ruined me for all the other courters…

“Les grandes personnes ne comprennent jamais rien toutes seules, et c’est fatigant, pour les enfants, de toujours et toujours leur donner des explications” (Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them)

There was some good advice I seemed to have forgotten in my adulty-ways…

“Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu’avec le cœur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux” (Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye)

But I DID eventually see today and finally understood what he was talking about; the common denominator of happy people so to speak….actually I heard it before I saw it. Isn’t it strange because I have been hearing it all week from my neighbours but didn’t even notice the affect it had on me. Sometimes it’s loud, sometimes it’s quiet, and sometimes it makes you want to cover your ears….but it always makes you feel warm and fuzzy and hits you right in the heart. And when I turned my head in the direction of this sound today, I realised that this simple, infectious noise had consequently led me into the group of common denominators  – when I smiled.

He was laughing…this boy playing tennis with his dad on the beach was laughing and giggling and although I have no idea why, isn’t that exactly the point of laughter? And for that matter, a smile as well?

Yep – and then I caught myself right in the act. I ran and jumped in to the sea today – by myself – headlong into a wave. I dived right in with reckless abandon and even though my eyes stung from the salt and I struggled to gain my balance against the waves….I surfaced laughing.

Man, what a ride!

Other smile-causing culprits today:

• Rotisserie-chicken women – two women in their fifties (sisters? friends?) turning on cue by some imaginary signal to roast their already tanned skin evenly in the sun
• Floundering in translation – despite practising in my head as the spanish guardian of the apartment approached, both times I said something between french, english and spanish in response….mumbling away my mistake as though that’s actually what I meant to do (!!)
• Cutting wild rosemary for dinner tonight
• Enjoying wine out of a label-less bottle, with spanish reggae as my backdrop

What was your common denominator today – What made you smile?

P.S. I find the perfect accompaniment to laughter is bruschetta (tonight’s menu). Fresh tomatoes, garlic, onion and basil grilled on fresh bread, topped with a slice of parmesan and fresh ham. For that extra smile, we will be eating  it with sauteed potatoes with leek and rosemary, and a salad of cos and avocado.

I should explain. I’m in Spain – Costa Brava (Platja D’aro to be exact) and it’s the fourth day in of my month long ‘holiday of a lifetime’. I’ve spent everyday sitting in the sun, lounging by the pool, taking in the crystal clear sea backed by the pathway carved out of the cliff, and generally trying to ‘relax’, ‘take it easy’, ‘enjoy myself’ and ‘reflect on life’…only problem is – I can’t relax. So how did this happen, I’m asking myself – that after years of wanting said ‘holiday of a lifetime’, I find that I’m stressed by the idea of not taking advantage of every millisecond of every moment and STILL fantasizing about being as free as a bird…instead of feeling as free as a bird?

I guess the answer is obvious. Anyone who made up games about cleaning at the age of 6 is bound to appreciate a different type of relaxation than the average girl, right? Maybe I’m just not cut out for the ‘doing nothing’ type of holiday? But then – how else are you supposed to ‘find yourself’ and ‘solve the problems of unhappiness’? Well…I realised (as I was cleaning our apartment today….) that stopping to smell the roses is as much about accepting yourself as is it is about the small things in life. For me – this is accepting the fact that ok, maybe I don’t fit into the normal stereotype of plastic, boe-wrapped happiness, but then so what? I’ve been so caught up in trying to make myself ‘relax and be happy’ that I haven’t been able to appreciate what actually DOES make me happy:

• Shopping in a tiny market in Sant Feliu and buying stewed tomatoes in a sterelised old jam jar (that I later made into a bolognese sauce)
• Feeling humbled and lost because most Spaniards sleep during 12-2pm when I wanted to shop…
• Feeling exhilirated and proud of my salad concoction (goat’s cheese, fresh peach, sliced fennel, avocado, shaved parmesan and the most amazing purple tomatoes…), accompanied by the most perfect spanish chardonnay
• Playing tennis in the pool with wooden bats and a plastic ball whilst the sun blocked my play…
• Indulging in cream croissants and creamy coffee every morning, with the sun on my shoulders
• Making do with a crappy knife and utensils….but loving the result just the same

All these things, they make me feel 6 years old again, and I guess that’s not a bad standard of measure for happiness, as happiness goes. OK, so it doesn’t solve life’s problems, and ok, maybe other people don’t get it…but no matter how weird it is, I can’t discount the wiser version of myself who at 6, already knew the key to my happiness involved a broom or a mop and didn’t care that announcing a chosen professsion might cause other people to laugh and snigger.

I’ll figure it out, I’m sure of it…but in the meantime – give me sea and sunshine and I’ll tackle each problem one sweep at a time.

…………………………………………………………….

Peach, Fennel and Goat’s Cheese Salad Recipe:

- Half a  ripe peach, sliced thinly
- Crumbled goat’s cheese (soft)
- Sliced fennel (bulb
- Cos lettuce or rocket
- Thinly slices red onion
- Plum (and I mean purple!) tomatoes, diced, sliced or just chucked in
- Shaved parmesan
- Avocado
- Parsley

Sauce – Red wine vinegar, good quality olive oil, lime juice, salt and pepper. Enjoy with a chilled but full-bodied white wine.

Menu tonight? Prawns with? hmmmm